"Anger Management"...Take the Test and take your life back!

Anger is an emotion common to us all.  Just day to day living in the world we live in - from driving to work...to frustrations at work - from coping with the kids who are driving us crazy...to losing our temper in a way that we regret - from an arguement with our spouse or partner...to lashing out in violence....our anger button is often easily pressed!

"Anger Management" is a term that many of us know about...but are you someone who needs to do something about your anger?  Over the years I've had many Clients who've come to the end of their resources and have turned to me for help...and they have been helped!  Many have come to a point where their anger has been safely managed...but many more have come to the point where they've really got on top of their irrational, explosive anger and not just managed their anger, but have broken free from their inner-tiger that leaps out with destructive force!

Can I suggest that you Google "Anger Management Test" and select one of the "Psychology Today" tests.  You'll find a 5 minute test and a 20 minute test...please tak your pick!  if the result shows that you need professional help...please give me a call.  Booking in for your first free - no strings attached appointment - could quite literally change your life and save your life and the lives of those you love in your private world!

Make a choice right now to choose life and freedom and peace...please don't delay one more day!  You may also find it helpful to click on "Services" above and read the article on Anger Management?

Thank you

Rob Slater

 

 

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"Once I offloaded my Stuff to somebody else I feel so much better" Prince Harry

"like many others, I have been tremendously impactedby Prince Harry's epen-hearted disclosure of his personal trauma following his Mother's untimely death! For far too long Mental Health has been something of a dirty word and kept out of poilte converstaion!  Are we finally coming into the light....just a bit...and recognising that we ALL have Mental Health issues and need to take them seriously!?...I do hope so?!

Please read these extracts carefully and honestly.  There's nothing wimpish or weak about owning up to inner struggles...it takes strength!  If you are able to find that inner strengthand want to do something about it through Counselling, please consider "Rob Slater Professional Counselling" and contact me to make your first Free appointment..with no strings attached! 

That call could be the most important decision of your life and set you on course to start living the new life you've often dreamed about but never believed could be yours!

I look forward to hearing from you....Please don't put it off a minute longer!"

Rob Slater

ON HIS OWN MENTAL HEALTH

"Losing my Mum at the age of 12 and therefore shutting down all of my emotions for the last 20 years, has had a quite serious effect on not only my personal life but my work as well."

ON PROCESSING HIS GRIEF

"My way of dealing with it was sticking my head in the sand and refusing ever to think about my Mum, because why should that help? It's only going to make you sad, it's not going to bring her back.  So from an emotional side I was like....don't ever let your emotions be part of anything."

ON STRUGGLING DURING HIS TWENTIES

I can count myself very lucky.  It was 20 years of not thinking about it and 2 years of total chaos."

ON RECOVERY

The best or the easiest people to speak to is a Shrink (Counsellor) or whoever...I've done that a couple of times...more than a couple of times."

ON THE PRESSURES OF LIVING IN THE PUBLIC EYE

I have probably been very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions when all sorts of grief, lies and misconceptions are coming to you from every angle.  But you know, it comes with the job, it comes with the role, and one of the hardest things, I suppose, is not being able to have that voice or being able to stand up for yourself."

ON DEALING WITH THINGS NOW

What we are trying to do is normalise the conversation to the point that anyone can sit down and have a coffee and just go, "you know what, I've had a really shit day, can I just tell you about it?"...because then you walk away and it's done.  Rather than a week later or 20 years later, what could have been something small could grow into this beast of a snowball which you can't dislodge."

ON PRINCE WILLIAMS HELP

"My brother...was a huge support to me.  He kept saying "this is not right, this is not normal, you need to talk about stuff, it's OK."

ON TALKING ABOUT HIS FEELINGS

"Once I offloaded my stuff to somebody else I feel so much better.  I know there is huge merit in talking about your issues and the only thing aboutkeeping it quiet is, it's only ever going to make it worse."

ON EXERCISE AS A RELEASE

I took up boxing because everyone was saying boxing is good for you and it's a really good wayof letting out aggression and it really saved me, because I was on the verge of punching someone, so being able to punch someone who had pads on was certainly easier!"

The above extracts are taken from a conversation between Prince Harry and Bryony Gordon of The Daily Telegraph, published on Monday 17th April 2017. 

To contact Rob Slater at "Rob Slater Professional Counselling",

Please click on "BOOK A FREE SESSION above.

It's the Season of "Choices"...What are your Choices going to be?

Like countless millions around the world and thousands in and around Birmingham, you will be faced with Choices to buy this or that for Gran or Mum or Auntie or lover?  These Choices are important 'cos they convey so much and you really want them to say so much about how much the recipient means to you!

We all know how quickly Christmas comes and goes...and how so quickly those much thought over Choices to buy this or that for Gran or Mum or Auntie or lover get quickly eaten or take their place with all our other stuff! 

However...some Choices in our lives are far more important than these..... they're potentially life-changing and life-giving!  We're making every day Choices all the time, but rarely stop to think too much about them....we just do it. 

in my Professional Counselling Practise in Birmingham - "Rob Slater Professional Counselling" - I work a great deal with my Clients on their Choices and just how powerful and empowering they can be!  A recent Client came to me seriously contemplating suicide as a way through for his family and a way out for him!  Over the period of just three weeks my Client came to see his conscious and even sub-conscious Choices as being more powerful and empowering than he'd ever imagined!

My Client made the Choice to not take the suicide route, but hang on in and see it through.  His severe family, medical, social and financial problems hadn't gone away - Counselling isn't magic! - but he was able to take control of his inner-life and Choose life!

If you are in a life position today that makes Christmas Choices pale into insignificance compared to what you're struggling with...please stop for a moment and consider reaching out for the help you need to make some empowering Choices that can see you take control of your life and enable you to start to live again in a way you've previously never even dreampt of.

Contact me - Rob Slater - at "Rob Slater Professional Counselling" to take that all important first step....I look forward to hearing from you!

Rob Slater

Stress and Anxiety - Part 2. How to overcome your "Nameless dread"!

People who are asked what makes them feel anxious will name a multitude of reasons common to us all!  People asked how their anxiety "feels", will again describe themselves in various ways such as feeling sick; shaky; jittery and with a brain that's recing at 100mph with no brakes!

Psychotherapist Wilfred Bion has coined a description that would take some beating - and that is a "nameless dread"!  This sums up anxiety so accurately, because our anxiety is very often difficult or impossible to pinpoint.

Anxiety has a common base and that is fear.  The big difference between abject fear and anxiety is that fear is usually a reaction to something specific - such as the threat of a wild, snarling dog!  Anxiety - as we've noted - is more amorphous.  There is a common denominator, however for both anxiety and fear, and that is our "fight or flight" response.

The good news is that we don't have to struggle with our "nameless dread" - there is a way through.  There are practical steps such as eliminating the triggers that commonly set off an anxiety response in us...but there is a step deeper that we can take to deal with our "nameless dread" and the way it sets off our irrational reactions.

CBT or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy helps us see that we are in control of our feelings and not how we commonly think i.e that our feelings are in control of us!  The reality is that we can Choose what thoughts enter our minds and take up a controlling residence!  Over time - through CBT - we take control of our thoughts back and thus take control of our feelings!  Through CBT our "nameless dread" is shown the door to our mind and we can choose to say "Keep Out"!

If anxiety is something you're struggling with and want to deal with, please make a choice to contact me - "Rob Slater Professional Counselling" through this website, and set up your first free appointment!  I look forward to hearing from you and to helping you be empowered to deal with your "nameless dread"!

Before you go, do please check out my previous blog below - "Stress and Anxiety - The Reality, the Difference and what to do about it!"

Thank you

Rob Slater

Stress and Anxiety - The Reality, the Difference and What to do about it!

Everyone at some time has experienced Stress and Anxiety.  We talk about being stressed and/or anxious...but many are not able to tell the difference! I believe it's important to know the difference and to tell the difference in our own lives so that we can do something about it!

Your Stress and Anxiety Counselling needs, need to be understood and addressed...so start here with this Blog so that you can begin to see a way through for yourself - a way through out of Stress and Anxiety's grip and into a place of freedom!...Please read on....

Stress is....

In a nutshell, stress results from the pressure we feel in everyday life.  The push and pull of life - whether in work or family life or other relationships - exerts undue pressure on our mind and body and Adrenaline is released.  If this state continues depression can result and also a rise in blood pressure can occur. Stress can result from any situation or thought that results in a multitude of feelings - for example: frustration, anger, loss and emptiness. 

Anxiety is....

One of the negative effects of stress is anxiety.  It can be said that stress is a respnse to a perceived threat in a life situation and anxiety is a reaction to the stress!  Alongside anxiety, fear can overcome all our emotions and can be accompanied by a state of worry and apprehension with no possibility of a rational, positive outcome.  Worry creates worry and only takes us in one direction...down! As if our mind being in turmoil wasn't enough...our body can throw up symptoms of chest pains, dizziness, shortness of breath and aweful panic attacks when our whole being can be imobilised! Together with this, fearful thoughts of impending doom are common.

The really tough fact is that anxiety can continue long, long after the original stress factor has gone.  For some, ordinary and every day situatons and decisions can seem insurmountable.  deciding what to wear or what to buy for dinner can present dilemmas that feel overwhelming!  Other people appear to thrive with stress in their lives and experience plus benefits from being stressed...a reality that can create even more anxiety in our own lives!

Anxiety can be characterised as feeling extremely uneasy and is normal when faced with situations such as a serious illness, an exam or interview. Such anxiety is normal, and if mild can be productive, positive, useful and empowering. For some however, anxiety disrupts and interferes with normal life.  Prolonged and severe anxiety is not normal when there's an absence of a stressful event or if anxiety is interfering with everyday life - such as shopping or going to work.

Stress - the upside:

Stress is - nature's way - our body's way of arming us and making us more capable of standing up to a threat and making us more capable of defending ourselves and others.  It's the classic "fight or flight" response that can literally save our lives e.g running from a charging bull in a field and jumping a high hedge....something that normally we couldn't achieve! Stress can be said to be a reaction in us that is the right time and right place to help us do the right thing at the right time.

Anxiety - the downside:

Whereas stress has a definite upside...anxiety has very little going for it!  Anxiety is often a set of negative broodings and destructive predictions that make doing the right thing less likely.

SO WHAT DO I DO ABOUT MY STRESS AND ANXIETY?:

At it's simplest, the way to get on top of stress in our lives and prevent an anxiety state developing is to change the way we explain the situation we're in to ourselves.  Everyone on the planet talks to them selves...we call it self-talk. Our self-talk can be a positive, rational response to a situation or a negative irrational reaction.  Both these forms of self-talk will change the chemical message our body receives....the former will be largely productive...the latter will be largely negative!  If we can explain the situation we're in to ourselves in an alternative way that sees it going well, we can effectively turn-off the fight or flight response in that specific situation and gain control.  Many can and will be able to handle this themselves...many will need help.

do you need help?

If you're stuck and unable to handle the stress in your life or you're in an anxiety state that is out of control - unable to break through on your own - then consider giving me...Rob Slater - at "Rob Slater Professional Counselling" - a call to arrange your first Free appointment. 

Reaching out for help is not a weak thing...it's a very strong thing to do, and can see you coming to a place in your life where you're living more successfully than ever before....yes, you read that right!  My Clients often experience a counselling process that not only helps them to live life more successfully in their present situation...but sees them coming to a place where they're living life in a way they've never experienced before!

Counselling is a process of learning about ourselves in a far deeper way that equips the Client with skills for living that enables all of life to be lived productively, positively and fruitfully.... and that could be you! 

I do hope this Blog has been of help to you...but don't stop here.  Please read further in my website and be open to doing something revolutionary in your life that will help you to start living again...or even living in a way you've never, ever experienced before! 

Stress and Anxiety Counselling in Birmingham is avaiable to you and for you and needs to be handled by an Experienced...Qualified... Professional....Acredited and Nationally Registered Counsellor...so contact me at "Rob Slater Professional Counselling" for the timely help you need to start living the life you've only dreamt of!

Thank you for your time

Rob Slater

Depression Counselling Therapy in Birmingham. Are You Depressed or Stressed? Find out here!

Feeling low from time to time is common to all...YES All!  The pressures of modern daily life can crowd in so much that we can find ourselves tearful and tired - leaving us to wonder whether daily stresses have tipped us over into something more serious?

It could of course be hormonal?...the weather?...or that everyone else appears to be so "bloody happy" and we're not?!  "Something more serious" ie. depression - can be triggered by what might be a series of difficult to handle life events that start piling up on us.  These problems that might be manageable on there own can so easily become just too, too much when they come in threes and fours and more!

Depression is said to affect up to 10% of the population at any given time...but the majority of us just keep going - hoping that if we plough on it'll all be OK before we know it.  Experience tells us that that might be the case...but more often than not our struggle continues and our depression remains undiagnosed!  It may be a surprise to hear that if your "low-mood" has continued for more than two weeks...you may have a more serious problem.  Julia Lamb - from the mental health charity "Mind" - says "Everyone's experience of depression will be different" ...so it rarely helps to compare ourselves!

It's a fact that women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression than men and to experience sleep problems, feel tearful and sad.  Men - on the other hand - are more likely to reach out for drink or drugs or complain of aches and pains.

A typical warning sign that feelings of sadness or anxiety are spilling over into depression are an increasing inability to reach out to thers for help - leading to a mrbid isolation...if that's you it may be time to seek help?

Below is a simple Questionaire to help you find out whether you're depressed or not?

Answer the questions by circling either A, B or C:

A = No, I don't feel like this,

B = Yes, a little,  

C = Yes, constantly, for more than two weeks.

A B C   Do you feel unhappy for most of the day?

A B C   Have you lost all interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy?

A B C   Are you fiding it harder to cope with everyday jobs that you used to manage easily?

A B C   Are you finding it harder to make decisions?

A B C   Have you been finding it more difficult to concentrate?

A B C   Have your eating patterns changed? (You might have lost your appetite and bcome

            thinner, or you might suddenly be eating a lot more and putting on weight.)

A B C   Have your sleep patterns changed?  (You might find you're waking very early, in the

            morning for no reason. You may have trouble getting off to sleep or you may be

            sleeping all day.)

A B C   Are you feeling tired and drained, even when you haven't been doing very much?

A B C   Are you drinking more than usual?

A B C    Are you crying a lot?

A B C    Have you become very irritable and impatient with other people?

A B C    Have you lost interest in sex?

A B C    Do you find yourself avoiding friends and aquaintances so you don't have to talk to

              them?

A B C     Are you struggling to cope with aches and pains that don't seem to have any physical

              cause?

A B C      Do you feel restless and agitated?

A B C      Have you suddenly lost your self-confidence?

A B C      Do you keep blaming yourselfand feel guilty about your relationships and the way

               you behave?

A B C      Does the future seem very bleak?

A B C      Do you feel numb or have a sense of unreality, as if you're living behind a glass wall?

A B C      Do you find yourself thinking about suicide?

PLEASE NOTE: If you've answered B or C to the last question, you must seek help immediately!

# If your answers are mostly A's with some B's, or mostly B's, you may be feeling low, but you're unlikely to be depressed.  Exercise regularly to realease feel-good endorphins.  Watch your diet - it's easy to feel miserable if you're skipping meals or eating poor-quality food - and take supplements of Omega-3, Folic Acid and Vitamin B12.  Cut down on alcohol and cigarettes as they make you feel worse.  With these small steps,you might feel better equipped to move on from your problems. These steps may help...but even though you may not be depressed... Counselling therapy may still be helpful to you and should seriously be considered.

If you answered C to the first two questions, and to three or more others, you may be depressed.  If so, consider some kind of Counselling Therapy.  Cognitive Beahavioural Therapy - CBT - helps you to take control of negative, irrational thinking patterns.  Rememberthat a Counsellor can't cure you of your black moods - but he can work with you to help you to cure yourself.  Crucially, recognising that you have a problem and taking steps to tackling it is the initial and best step towards recovery - and geeting your life back!

SO, ARE YOU IN NEED OF DEPRESSION COUNSELLING IN BIRMINGHAM?

Do something positive now and consider giving me - Rob Slater - at "Rob Slater Professional Counselling" - a call to arrange your fisrt Free Counselling session....it could change and save your life!

Rob Slater

 

"The Age of Loneliness"?!

You may have heard what is being talked about and called "The Age of Loneliness"?!  Whether you've heard about it or feel you're living in it...it affects us all!

Loneliness can be a deadly claustrophobic-coffin that shuts you off from the world around you!  Living - but dying!  We're made for relationship and if it's not there in your life it can be much more than lonely...it can be injurous to physical, psychological and emotional health! 

Whether this is your experience or not...you will know lonely people.  You may not know they're lonely...but lonely people are everywhere...next door - in your place of work or study - on the bus or train - walking down the street or sitting on a blanket on the street....and at the Gym...in fact loneliness is everyone's business 'cos we're all seeking to live a meaningful life in the same world! 

Counselling - of course - isn't a "Friendship-Agency"...but it's an opportunity to stand back from your life and be helped to make life-changing choices that can see you breaking out of that claustrophobic and deadly coffin - breaking out into a new place where powerful changes are possible...Really!!! 

Start this new year by making a choice to deal with your experience of loneliness by contacting Rob Slater today! 

Rob Slater

 

 

Happy New Year?!?!?

Christmas can be the most enjoyable of times...BUT it can also be the most trying!
 You may be in the position right now of wondering how on earth you can proceed with your relationship...marriage or friendship after the BIG upset over Christmas?!

Things were said and/or done...or not said/and or done and you feel bruised, angry, lost, confused and despairing over where things are and where things can go?  It may help for you to know that you're not alone, as sadly thousands of people experience the "wheels-coming-off" at Christmas time and thousdands are also in need of expert help!

Please turn your pain, anger, lostness, confusion and despair into action by giving me a call. That simple choice and action could change your life forever!

I'm just at the other end of the line!

Rob Slater

 

Choose to Forgive and be Free!

(Please Click "Services" above for other Counselling needs)

Issues of forgiveness arise with a surprising - or not? - majority of my Clients!  However, typically I encounter a misconception about the nature of forgiveness.  Almost without exception, there's a belief that "If I forgive him/her I'm saying "It's OK what you did or didn't do...or say""....but nothing could be farther from the truth!  If someone in your life has horribly wronged you...abused you... let you down...mistreated you...cheated on you or whatever - that can NEVER be OK!  Whatever it was may - for instance - have to be a subject for the Police and dealt with by others.  Yet nothing that is done on your behalf by others will make it OK for you...it will always be wrong...terribly wrong!

However badly you've been treated there's a need to break free from the other person, and in many respects the freedom you need is to be free from the Power that person has over you - even though they may be out of your life and even dead!

What is rarely appereciated, is that holding onto bittereness and the unforgiveness of another - no matter how justified it feels - is perpetuating the power of that other person over you!  The number of times I've said to a Client "It was bad enough what they did or didn't do...but by holding onto them by harbouring bitterness and unforgiveness, you're allowing them to still have power over you and you'll never be really free!" Often times, the person we need to forgive is ourselves...we beat ourselves up so badly and it can be just as destructive as anything that has been done to us...Yes...we can be our own worst enemy! 

When we forgive , we're saying "I'm letting you go!...Vengeance is NOT mine!...I choose to be free from you...I choose to break the chains that have held me bound to you...I choose to break the hold of power that you've had over me...I choose to live a new life and start afresh!  

It's totally understandable that you may not be able to forgive easily....it's going to be hard...but I encourage my Clients to start where they can...which may be several steps back from actually doing it...i.e...."I forgive NAME for what he/she did or didn't do".  Often times we need to start where we can, which may be something like..."I choose to walk/stumble towards a time where at some point in the future I can come to a place where it may be possible for me to take the step of choosing to forgive"...and that may take time, and that may mean someone walking alongside you in Counselling help.

Truly...I've lost count of how many of my Clients have taken the brave step to forgive and how many have experienced a freedom that has radically changed the course of their lives.  Forgiveness holds the potential power to be the most significant step anyone can take!

So...dear Blogger...I encourage you to read and re-read the above and take that initial step, and start a process...my invitation is to "Choose to Forgive and be Free!"

Rob Slater

 

Bars in your Mind!

(Please Click "Services" above for other Counselling needs)

My Clients come to me - both individuals and those looking for couple / relationship Counselling - often feeling like they are locked-in and imprisoned by bars - prison bars of all descriptions!  These bars are very real and often appear Impenetrable!  As I join them in their walk of life, and we work together, these so-called bars, are seen for what they really are...bars in their minds!  Bars that have held and imprisoned my Clients - often for years - are dealt with, brought down to size and walked through to freedom! 

The power of Choice is nearly always underestimated and undervalued...but uniquely I affirm that "Choices Make Changes"...dynamic changes that have the power to make those long overdue changes.  These are not superficial changes, but changes in thinking that can radically redirect my Client's life on a path where freedom from stress and anxiety become a reality!  There's literally no limit to where this new path can lead...but clarity, resolution, self-belief, peace, solutions and confidence are just a few of the outcomes that I regularly witness my Clients enjoying!

Call me today, and you to can start to see your life turned around by the changes that your choices can achieve!

(Rob Slater)